Hello everyone...

So a quick hello to everyone involved. I'm Az, the filmmaker of the pack. Apologies for not appearing at the dicussion on Sunday. So when I was told the subject, I thought pretty much what everyone else has been thinking about this. Middle class (brown) boy from the suburbs trying to make something about black gun crime.

So anyway, I've been freaking out about what to do. It's an odd thing doing a film in a week, even having done the first present tense. But the gratification of having pulled something off like this is so good. I guess that's why I enrolled again. But at this very moment I'm pooing my pants. And I've realised that I may have lost that drive to just go out and make a film. All the stuff I've made in the past year have required a lot of time, money and people. So when i'm throwing ideas around in my head, there's a little voice that keeps saying, 'no you can't do that without money. No you can't do that idea without a crew of thirty. Nope you can't make that without great actors and time to develop. Blah blah blah.' So this is good, trying to get back to the initial drive of when I was 15 or so and I grabbed a camera and made films with my brother (and George. Ask him to show you some of our 'classics').

But as usual, as soon as you stop thinking about what to make, an idea comes to you. What struck me the most (and someone else has mentioned this before) is the triviality with which these attacks can stem from. An argument about shoes, or like the guy in Hackney who was stabbed to death because he asked kids (who had broken into a communal area in the council block) to keep the noise down. Or as I once had the pleasure of facing, a guy threatening me because I so so barely scuffed his trainers with the back of my shoes. I did the wrong thing of standing up to the guy and I got punched in return (first time ever. man he dropped me....) Thinking about it I'm angry and afraid of the mundane way in which it started. Last night, I was with my mum who had come to visit and we walked to Tescos to get some stuff, she was carrying her umbrella as it was raining slightly. At the traffic lights there's a black guy in front of us with a cap on and a chequered bandana thing wrapped over his nose and mouth. Now, you say to yourself he's probably cold, but images of gangs just keep popping into your head. Then as we pass him, my mum's umbrella smacked him in the head. Mum didn't notice. I SHIT my pants. Looking out the corner of my eyes, I'm half expeciting him to stop, turn and pull out a gun or something. Obviously that didn't happen. It's ridiculous.

So anyway, I want to do something about that. The fear we have when we see a black guy in a hoodie and cap. Or even not a hoodie and a cap. I just want to do something really simple and play on the character's and audience's prejudices. Something like that. Hmmm. I wish I had the time to explore the effects this has on black people how they look on it if they were gang members, or not. I can sort of draw on my own experiences on that, with having to go through airport security, how people look at you and you know they're scrutinising you, watching how you act. And it doesn't help when my passport has a big ass visa stamp that says The Islamic Republic of Pakistan. Great.

Right, that's enough, I hope that made sense, as I'm kind of thinking about the idea as I'm writing this, and it's changing in my head all the time. I'm just hoping this is not just going to be knee-jerk reactions put into film. Well we'll see. Right my stream of consiousness is now making me think of breakfast. And pancakes. With maple syrup. mmmmmmmmmmm


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